Why Marriage?

I was thinking about a quote that I heard and just love:

"If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you"

Don't you think this applies to marriage? I do - I feel that marriage is a very challenging, if not the most challenging relationship that I have experienced. (Let's not talk about the relationship with the in-laws, hahaha just kidding). But don't you think that's why Heavenly Father thinks that marriage is so essential to our salvation and happiness? We need to be changed and refined to become better - and how do we do this? By challenges, by tests, by being an relationship where you can have immense highs and depressive lows. Marriage is one of compromise and give-and-take - it's rarely easy, but almost ALWAYS worth it.

Food for Thought...

Let's get something straight - love is a VERB, not an adjective.

People say, "I have fallen out of love with my spouse, significant other, etc" how exactly can that happen? Since love is a verb, it is something you DO, not just something you say or feel alone.

Improving Marriage

I am always looking for ways to improve marriage - I'm definitely not an example in that department yet and need all of the help I can get. I found "Five Things You Can Do to Improve Your Marriage" and wanted to share:  (http://marriage.about.com/od/marriagetoolbox/a/fiveimprove.htm)

1 - Don't take each other for Granted
I'm glad they listed this first. This to me, is one of the hardest things. We all get in our routine and forget about how much our spouse does for us - how much they love us when no one else does - how we are sharing our entire lives with them and no one else. It's a pretty big task and we need to thank them for putting up with us. :)

2 - Work Together to Improve Your Sex Life
I approach this subject delicately because of it's intimate nature. But let's not forget that physical intimacy is an important part of the way that we connect to our spouse in a way that is only between the two of us. It's essential to talk about this aspect of our marriage - not necessarily in a dirty way, but in a romantic way. Leave love notes for your spouse, flirt with them, plan on alone time, etc. Remember that not only is this a special and sacred part of your relationship, it is one that can help you grow together. 

3 - Agree to Do Your Share of Chores Around the House
This has been the hardest problem for my husband and I to figure out. My parents did things one way and his did things another way growing up and now we have to find out what works best for us - who does the dishes? Who's making the kids their school lunches? Find what works best for you and stick with it! We want our marriages to be a PARTNERSHIP and we need to communicate that to our spouse to make that happen.

4 - Talk about Finances
Ugh - money! This is a definitely a source of contention in so many marriages. Who balances the checkbook? How do we spend the money? How much should we save? Are both husband and wife going to work? 

The website quotes "If you are over worked, over extended, and over tired, you put your marriage at risk." If you feel like you are bringing more to the table in worked hours or financially then your spouse does and you are not okay with that, talk about ways to fix it. There is a reason this topic causes so many divorces, if money is tight, stress can seem overwhelming.

5 -  Simplify Your Lives
"Reevaluate how you both spend your time and consider how to simplify your lives whether you are newlyweds, a couple with children, or an empty nest couple."

Sometimes I feel like there isn't enough time in the day for necessary things, let alone dates or romantic things in the marriage. But take time - get rid of the things that are unnecessarily taking up your time - whether that be blogging, video games, tv, shopping, etc. We all enjoy having our hobbies on the side (and you should!) but if getting rid of one of them will allow you more time with your spouse - do it! Replace it with things like taking walks with your spouse, reading a book together, talking.

 We all know that marriage takes work, a lot of work, but it's worth it for a happy life together!

Food for Thought...

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

- Author Unknown

Expressions of Love

http://youtu.be/hkOnH36S_pY

The Importance of Dating

Dating your spouse? Yes, that's what I'm talking about! Just because you are married doesn't mean the dating should stop. There NEEDS to be that opportunity when the two of you take that time out of your busy lives to do something fun together and remember how great each others company is. Can I just emphasize the importance of LEAVING THE KIDS AT HOME! Once in a while it's okay to bring your kids along on a date or two, but your marriage need the time without any distractions.

Just remember, the date doesn't need to be expensive or extravagant. Check out some of the links on side of this page for ideas. They are FANTASTIC! What's wrong with a cheap picnic together in the park or a bike ride around the neighborhood? Sometimes the cheapest ones are the best! One time my husband and I did a dinner for less than ten dollars and then went for a quick drive up the canyon and parked and talked. Super simple, but one of the best nights! No kids, no work, no distractions - just the two of us talking about goofy stuff that helps strengthen that bond.

If you don't date your spouse, does it mean that your marriage will fail? Definitely not, but in this day and age, your marriage needs the best fighting chance you can get! You need to continue to enrich your marriage by taking TIME for one another.

Don't forget - babysitters aren't always needed; dates don't even have to be outside the home. Trust me, I have young children and I know that making plans and going out isn't always possible. Have you ever thought about planning something romantic after the kids go to bed like a candlelit desert or dancing on the back porch? One year, my husband and I had just had a baby and didn't have the money to go stay in a fancy bed and breakfast on our anniversary, so we turned our bedroom into something fun. I changed up the decor and gave it a whole new feel (check out this link I used from the Love Actually Blog: http://loveactually-blog.blogspot.com/2009/03/your-title-here-bed-breakfast.html).

I just want to emphasize how IMPORTANT I think dates are - whether you are doing them once a week or once a month - you need to make it a priority! Your marriage needs to be a priority!

Remember to make the planning of the dates fun too! Trade off with your spouse - he finds the babysitter and you plan the date or vice versa. I KNOW it's hard to leave your kids home with someone, but make sure to find someone you trust and that you're comfortable with (Grandparents are great for this!) Or even invite some of your friends along - make it a group date. More of the great dates I have had have been with some great couples we know!! So fun!

Also, if you are struggling to find babysitters or have to money to pay for a sitter, why not start a babysitter co-op in your neighborhood? There are many families who feel the same way and you could trade off have a few extra kids at your house on a Friday or Saturday night in turn for your kids to be taken care of on your date nights - another great way to save money.

What are some fun things you have done for dates and what are some ways you keep them inexpensive?

Choose Wisely

President Spencer W. Kimball taught: “Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but also with eternal joys. It affects not only the two people involved, but also their families and particularly their children and their children’s children down through the many generations. In selecting a companion for life and for eternity, certainly the most careful planning and thinking and praying and fasting should be done to be sure that of all the decisions, this one must not be wrong”